Guide for new therapy clients

The first few sessions will be an extension of the consultation where we'll be working toward answers to a few questions. Can we comfortably work with each other? Can we come to a mutual understanding of the purpose of the work? Can we come to a mutual understanding about the methods of the work?

Sometimes you'll talk openly and honestly about your problems and concerns. Even if that means problems with me. Or concerns about therapy. Or concerns about sharing something. Generally, the more you share what's coming up for you, the better, even if it seems unimportant. Whatever arises is usually worth paying attention to and often gives us useful material to work with.

Sometimes you'll be doing IFS. You'll talk about parts of you that are hurting or causing problems. I'll talk to those parts directly. And you'll talk to those parts directly. All of this is helpful, but the deepest healing will come when you can compassionately relate to parts yourself.

Sometimes you'll be doing EMDR. You'll connect with a difficult or traumatic memory that's causing problems in your life. And while you focus on that memory you'll do bilateral stimulation (eye movement, tapping, auditory, etc.). This can help your brain reprocess the memory so it becomes less emotionally overwhelming.

Sometimes you'll meditate. You'll bring awareness to the body. You'll bring awareness to thoughts. And you'll bring awareness to the peace and love that's already within you.

Therapy with me will help you go within. It will help you get clarity on your blind spots and how your beliefs and conditioning are negatively impacting you. It will help you slow down and bring curiosity and compassion to the emotions, conditioning, patterns, trauma, and parts that feel too scary to touch. It will help you meet your shadows with self-love. It will help you heal inner wounds, let go of harmful patterns, find inner peace, and live more as your true and best Self.

Underneath our distressing way of being is our true or best Self which has capacity and compassion. Unlocking that capacity and compassion and using it in our healing work is what IFS therapy is about.

We all have different parts. For example, you might have a part of you that wants to go out this weekend and another part of you that wants to stay in. These parts have different roles and qualities. Believe it or not, these parts are good and they're trying to help. But some parts are wounded and forced into extreme roles in reaction to difficult life experiences.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a practice of developing relationships with these parts. When you can connect with parts compassionately instead of resisting them, you can help them heal and release their extreme roles and pain. As these parts heal and relax back, you'll gain inner harmony and clearer access to your true Self.

In IFS therapy, we can talk about parts and conceptualize how they impact you, but much of the meaningful healing comes when you can connect from your true Self and communicate directly with parts. In this way, IFS is more like a guided meditation than talk therapy. And you're the leader in the healing process while I'm a supportive guide walking alongside you.

Everyone has had difficult experiences that change what we believe about ourselves and the world. When you're not adequately supported during or after a difficult experience, the distress you felt during that experience can remain. High stress can also interrupt your brain's ability to process information and store memories. That unprocessed information can get stuck in the nervous system. And this can cause parts of you to take on extreme beliefs and roles in an attempt to adapt.

For example, if you were camping and a bear came into the campsite, your nervous system is going to react and move into fight, flight, or freeze mode. You may have gotten out safely, but now you have a part that is terrified of being in the woods and avoids the wilderness at all costs.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a way to help you process your trauma so that your brain isn't reacting as if you're still in danger.

EMDR starts by identifying a memory that you want to reprocess and any negative beliefs related to it. Then you'll focus on that memory as I guide you through brief sets of bilateral stimulation (eye movement, tapping, auditory, etc.). The dual attention on the memory and the bilateral stimulation helps you gently and safely process your trauma.

Your mind is the foundation of everything you experience in life. And much of your suffering is shaped by how your mind holds your experiences.

Meditation can help you bring awareness to the ways your mind causes you to suffer. Meditation can help you bring awareness to the shadows, parts, or burdens that block you from living as you know you can. And meditation can help you access the peace, freedom, love, and joy that's natural to your true Self.

Therapy often works best when we spend less time catching up and more time returning to the work we were already doing. It can also help to meet more than once a week so that you'll have less happening and less to catch me up on between our meetings. And it can also help to have longer sessions.

I can better help you if you are as honest as you can be. Even if it's a concern about me or our work together. Even if it's something a part of you is embarrassed about. You don't even have to give me the content. Just telling me that a part of you has a concern, or feels some embarrassment, or shame, or whatever will better help me help you. The content itself can be helpful, but it's less necessary than you think. I can help you heal trauma without knowing what the trauma is about so long as you can connect with the hurt part and keep me informed about what's happening in your system as you do so.

Healing rarely happens in a straight line. Some weeks you'll feel lighter and more hopeful. Other weeks may feel harder as trauma, subconscious emotions, or old patterns come into awareness. This doesn't necessarily mean therapy isn't working. It means you're gaining the space needed to see and heal more of your shadows.

What you share is confidential, with a few legal exceptions that you can find in the intake form. Therapy can be really vulnerable, so I take confidentiality very seriously.

I have done a lot of my own healing and spiritual work to be able to hold space for whatever you bring into therapy. Be it big trauma or big emotions. I will accept whatever is showing up for you without judgment. And as much as I can, I will meet your shadows with compassion.

I have extensive training in marriage and family therapy, IFS, EMDR, meditation, and nondual spirituality. I am continuing to train my skills and increase my knowledge. I receive consistent supervision, consultation, and therapy so that I can continue to learn and grow as a therapist and person.

Not often. I'll give advice on how you can practice things like meditation and IFS on your own. But I won't give much general advice. You can get advice from friends, family, and the internet. My job is to help you understand, and heal the constraints that block your own clarity.

Then I invite you to tell me! Sometimes the connection with me or my approach is off and I'd be happy to refer you to someone who might be a better fit. Sometimes therapy touches something challenging and that can trigger parts to feel upset, angry, or disappointed with me or the therapy. This can be the start of important work if you're up for it and open to sharing and working through it. Sometimes the feelings you have toward me are similar to feelings you've had in other important relationships. This can also be useful material to work through. Sometimes I make mistakes or get lost in my own conditioning, which can lead to disconnection between us. Working through this can also be very fruitful.

Many people reach a point where part of them wants to stop coming. There can be many reasons for this happening. It could be a matter of other obligations you have. It could be that therapy has touched on something challenging and parts of you are finding ways to avoid going back there. But important work can be found there. Keep your appointments if you can. We will work through any resistance, hesitations, or concerns before we go to any place that feels too scary.

I want you to end therapy. But not because you're afraid of going deeper. I want you to end when you've accomplished what you came for and more. It helps to have at least a couple sessions to discuss ending and consolidate your gains. So tell me as soon as you start thinking about ending.

You can reach me by phone, text, or email. Communicating between session will mostly be for scheduling, quick questions, or crises. Email and text are not appropriate for therapy between sessions. I often have my notifications off, but I'll get back to you as soon as I can. I check calls and texts more often than emails if you need a more timely response.

If you're in crisis and can't reach me, call or text 988, or go to your nearest emergency room.Item description

I meet clients M-F from 10AM-7PM. Please give me more than 24 hours notice for cancellations. I'll have to charge for cancellations with less than 24 hours notice (except in extenuating circumstances) as it removes time that I would have otherwise given to another client.

This covers some basics about what's helpful to know when you start therapy. But you may have more questions, and I welcome them. Don't hesitate to ask me anything.